Writing Your Obituary

Since I write and edit many obituaries, it is an easy format for me. When I recently decided to write my own obituary, it was quite a different matter. I had long intended to do this, but the Covid-19 pandemic nudged me along. It was far more pleasurable than I imagined and when it was done, I had the sweet satisfaction of knowing I would have the last word on my life. Having the last word was not my intent, nor was it even on my mind as I wrote, but now that it is done, I would counsel others that there is no one better than you to sum up your life. A particularly good reason to write your obituary is to help those who are responsible for handling your final arrangements. Whether it is a family member, friend or the funeral director, it is one less task for them, so they will cheerfully accept it as a gift from you.

My close friend, a good Irish woman, considers it a sport to read the daily obituary page. She is not alone in this practice and consequently we have all read good obituaries and mediocre ones. Although the purpose of an obituary is not to eulogize, I personally favor the ones for which I conclude, “Gee, I wish I knew that person.”

Death notices serve the twofold purpose of letting others know you have passed and providing information for attending your public ceremonies. Additionally, some obituaries highlight the role a person played in the community, others include tributes from family, expressing their deep love and loss. Some obituaries feature a quote that characterizes the deceased and others emphasize personal achievements. Noting facts like where the deceased lived, went to school or worked, helps people identify the correct person, especially if no picture accompanies the written piece. Lately, it has become routine to link the obituary to social media since many people no longer read hardcopy or online newspapers.

One of the loveliest obituaries I ever read was from a woman in her 40’s who died of cancer. Written as a personal letter of farewell, she described what life meant to her, the blessings she enjoyed, and gave advice for good living. Finally, she expressed gratitude and love for specific individuals she was leaving behind.

As I composed my obituary, I didn’t include achievements, I simply cited a single endeavor for which I am well known. Nor did I mention clubs, associations or groups in which I am involved because I have too many to mention. Instead, I opted for a defining statement characterizing my philosophy of life and another on my personality. I included the traditional items such as my age, the town I live in, surviving members of my family and details of my service. My obituary is short and sweet, but it does the job. More importantly, I am happy with it and since I know the work involved, I am grateful to spare someone else the effort.

I wholeheartedly encourage writing your own obituary. It gives you the last word, saves someone the work, and helps you reflect on the ultimate meaning of your life in a healthy, productive way. There are dozens of templates online to get you started. For me, it was such a freeing and positive experience, I am considering organizing an online workshop to help others do the same.

Your story is the greatest legacy that you will leave to your friends.

 —Steve Saint