Experiencing Sadness In A Season of Joy
As you navigate the path of mourning and grief, there will be times when it feels like all the world is happy and you are not. The initial reaction to the death of someone we love thrusts us into an alternative universe where time passes differently, family and friends stay close to help absorb the shock, and professionals keep us moving forward. During this time, the world we know is set aside and we view everything through our loss. As mourning shifts to grief and we feel a bit more like ourselves we connect once again to the broader world. During these stages of loss, it is normal to experience a loneliness characterized by feeling separated from the world’s happiness. This can be especially challenging during the holidays. The good news is that most of us are quite adept at coping with life’s bittersweet nature.
The bittersweet plant blooms just as the bright colors of summer and fall give way to the greyer, dark days of winter. Though beautiful and sweet, this plant can be poisonous. Absorbing all the sun it can get, bittersweet grows as a thorny vine crawling near anything that can support it, like a stone wall or other foundation. Like the plant, with caution, care, supports, and resilience, we can move gracefully from the sunnier times of life through the darker days.
In many ways 2020 has been an uninterrupted experience of the bittersweet, giving us lots of practice at responding to unexpected challenges. It is imperative to acknowledge and embrace grief’s sadness, because what we resist persists. Here are some strategies to use if you are experiencing sadness in a season of joy.
- Make yourself, or a friend who needs one, a comfort and joy box. Last year when my friend suffered an unspeakable loss, I gave her a “Comfort & Joy Box” about a month before Christmas. I loaded it with things to comfort her when she was having a tough time and fun things to celebrate the moments of joy she could allow herself. Knowing that there will be times when you need pampering and times you will feel like reveling, prepare a box that has what you need for either. I strongly suggest you decorate it lavishly, filling it with items that make you incredibly happy or exceptionally calm. (leave a comment on this blog if you need ideas for filling the box) I promise a “Comfort & Joy Box”, will help you face the bitter moments and cherish the sweet ones.
- Keep your immune system ramped up with a steady diet of outdoor exercise, adequate hydration, nourishing foods, sufficient sleep, and a daily habit of reading to feed your mind and soul. Reading is a healthy escape.
- Stay close to at least one person who actively listens to you and loves you unconditionally, no matter what you say or how you feel. Be honest about your need of them.
- Hallmark Christmas movies offer the ultimate bittersweet moments. We love them because they help us cry for happy and cry for sad. It is perfectly okay to binge on happy endings when you are feeling sad; just have an adequate supply of tissues on hand.
Losses can be immense and overwhelming, but you can still honor your sadness while permitting some joy. Remember the two A’s: Accept the sadness you feel; Allow yourself some of the joy around you.
“With a strong heart you are able to be gentle and sympathetic to all your experiences, not only the pleasant ones.”
