Tomorrow is National Communicate With Your Kids Day. Each year, this day reminds us to start the conversations that matter most. This year, I hope families will use it to take one important step: making a plan to talk with children about death. Most families wait until a crisis to bring up death. That’s natural, but it’s also the hardest time for anyone, children or adults, to have a calm, meaningful conversation. When emotions are high and everything feels urgent, kids can’t take in what they’re hearing, and adults struggle to find the right words. Preparing before a loss offers something better: space, steadiness, and the chance for children to learn about death in a way that feels safe. The good news is that talking with children about death doesn’t require perfect wording, just honesty, clarity, and warmth. Children feel most supported when adults:

• Listen more than they talk
• Speak calmly and simply
• Use real, clear language instead of vague or confusing metaphors
• Allow questions—even the hard ones
• Validate feelings without trying to “fix” them
• Offer reassurance that they are safe and not alone

These conversations don’t have to be long or formal. In fact, the more natural they feel, the better. Here are some starters:

What does “dead” mean?
Explain that when someone dies, their body stops working, they don’t breathe, think, or feel anymore. You might say, “Being alive means our body works. Being dead means it no longer can.” Ask your child what they think it means. Their answer often shows what they’re worried about or wondering.

Why does death happen?
Children don’t need every detail. A simple explanation works, “Sometimes people get very sick or very old, and their bodies stop working. Sometimes accidents happen. Death is part of life for every living thing.”

How does it feel when someone we love dies?
Let children know that sadness, confusion, anger, and even guilt are all normal. People grieve in different ways—crying, talking, being quiet, remembering. All of it is okay. If your family has spiritual or cultural traditions, those can offer comfort too, prayers, blessings, or simply the idea that love remains even after someone dies.

A Resource Every Caregiver Should Have

One of the most compassionate guides available is Giving Hope: Conversations With Children About Illness, Death, and Loss by Dr. Elena Lister and Dr. Michael Schwartzman. I consider this the single best resource for any adult who wants to help a child understand and cope with death.

This book helps caregivers:

• Sort through their own fears
• Use clear, age-appropriate language
• Avoid common mistakes that confuse or frighten kids
• Answer tough questions with honesty and steadiness
• Feel confident rather than overwhelmed

 When adults feel prepared, children feel safer. Giving Hope offers that preparation with tenderness and clarity.

Make a Plan This Year

In honor of National Communicate with Your Kids Day, I encourage parents, grandparents, and all caregivers to take a few minutes to think about how and when you want to begin these conversations. You don’t need the perfect moment. You only need openness, patience, and the willingness to talk about one of life’s hardest realities with love. By starting early, you give your child not only information, but comfort, confidence, and a sense of security that will stay with them throughout their lives.